Why Do Some People Not Want To Accept Help?

We have all met someone who finds it difficult to accept our help. The type that prefers to come out on their own. These are often either people who are always willing to help others, but for some reason find it difficult to accept help themselves. In other words, people who do not accept help from anyone, even if they have a serious problem.

In either case, the situation is very frustrating for those around them. When we meet people like this, it’s hard to understand why they don’t accept help, even when they need it. Sometimes this can be found annoying and interpreted as negligence or unwillingness to solve problems.

However, the truth is that it almost never works that way. The reasons why some people reject all help are part of an underlying problem. Even though they suffer and need others to help them, they find it difficult to lean on anyone else. This may be because of an unconscious mental block. Or simply because they have trouble recognizing that they need to change.

People who help everyone, but don’t accept help

Relatively often it is the people who always help everyone else who have a hard time accepting help themselves. These people have created an identity in which it is valid to give, but not to receive. They believe their role is to respond when faced with other people’s needs. At the same time, they don’t want to bother or even ignore anyone with their own needs.

Somehow they don’t allow others to help them. And they may do this because they think that doing so would betray their “mission” in life. After all, they are the ones who help, the ones who are completely independent, and accepting help would ruin this image they have of themselves. Similarly , they may feel that by accepting the help of others, they are a burden to these people. And all this makes them feel ashamed.

There are also cases where people reject the help of others because they prefer not to be indebted to them. They may think that one day these people will expect to return the favor of providing aid. However, they fail to understand that offering help produces a sense of satisfaction, and does not necessarily create obligations. Sometimes it is therefore necessary to explain this to them calmly.

Need help, but don’t accept it

Finally, there are those who reject the help of others, even though they are going through very difficult situations. Obviously they need others, but if anyone tries to lend them a helping hand, they are rejected. The most typical example of this is people with an addiction. It is common for them to turn down all help and sometimes even get angry when people try to help them get out of the situation they are in.

In those cases, it’s common for these people to not even admit they have a problem. Let alone that they need help. After all, part of their problem is precisely the denial of the problem. We see it in addicts, but also in people who suffer from depression, anxiety or another disorder and are not aware of it or have a distorted view of it.

Strangely enough, in these cases, the symptom itself is an adaptive response that the person has created to cope with their life. It is ‘adaptive’ in the sense that it allows him to interpret reality in a way that allows him to move forward. For example, a person who is depressed constructs the fantasy that he is sad because he is more sensitive than other people and not because of illness. That fantasy allows him to explain and carry on with his life, even if it causes him a lot of suffering.

How do we deal with it as outsiders?

When it comes to people who always help everyone, but do not accept help themselves, it is advisable to clarify the situation. Calmly show them that the desire to help them comes from genuine appreciation. And that giving them a helping hand is a source of satisfaction for you, not a sacrifice or enormous burden.

When we’re dealing with people who won’t accept help even if it’s obvious they can’t get it out on their own, the situation is more complicated. In this case, we need to be patient and tactful. Be there for them, show interest in them and try to accept them as they are.

This is an excellent way to get them to let you in. The important thing is not to give in to the temptation to pressure them to change. Sometimes our concern can take this form. However, your intervention, however well-intentioned, will eventually hurt them.

We have to respect everyone’s pace and rhythm. Usually they need time to understand that they need help. However, in the most severe cases, it is advisable to consult an expert. He will be able to explain to you how you can help in the best way.