Whispers, Complainers And Musers: Three Perspectives

In this article we are talking about whiners, complainers and ponders. It often happens that people find it easier to complain and judge the actions of others, but close their eyes to their own actions.

What are they complaining about? What or who do they assess? Why do they like to criticize others so much? Let’s face it, what’s the point of doing this? Whispers, complainers, and musers, let’s take a look at these three different but similar perspectives.

Whispers, complainers and musers, three perspectives

Usually the tendency to criticize and complain is part of a very structured laziness that is part of a lifestyle in which we can distinguish different variants:

• Whispers are quite unique and individual. They systematically indicate what others and even themselves lack.

• Complainants are the relatives of whiners. In general, they reinforce each other.
• Finally, we have the musers or ruminators, who keep coming back to their thoughts. These people cannot help but think and ponder over the same ideas or images. Some of these ideas are complaints they express, while others remain in their minds.

Generally, these behaviors come out of nowhere. Those who are used to being like this don’t even know it. They are incredibly used to this system, to the point that they are not even aware of their thoughts.

Self-fulfilling prophecies

In fact, part of their thinking stems from self-fulfilling prophecies. By this we refer to situations that eventually come to life thanks to the negative attitude they have towards their environment and even towards themselves.

Ultimately, the situations that confirm their negative ideas are all the result of the mind games they play themselves. Let’s think of a hypothetical scenario.

Suppose you think and think and think that a job interview will go badly. You’re sure to embarrass yourself and the interviewer doesn’t think you’re the right one for the job.

Of course, with that mindset, you will be extremely nervous, stressed and anxious when you walk in. As a result, it is more than likely that you will not get the job in the end. The worst part is that you probably think this wasn’t your fault.

It is even worse when someone with this profile (whiners, complainers and musers) also suffers from another condition. As a result, this will lead to serious problems, as the individual discomfort will be great.

It does not matter whether it is a simple or complex condition. For example, you may get a headache, feel panic, suffer from an eating disorder or gastrointestinal spasm. In the end it doesn’t matter. Complaining will certainly make your discomfort worse.

Coming up with a ‘complaining script’ in your head

More often than not, these three styles (whiners, complainers, and musers) go hand in hand with a mental script. In other words, a prototype of situations that cause some discomfort. The whole point of these negative scenarios is to make the individual complain or criticize (himself or others).

Many of the individuals who follow these three attitudes have a hard time solving their mental script. The reason for this is that they run out of text to develop these scripts.

As a result, they defend themselves to change problematic situations. In the end, what would they have to do if they couldn’t criticize or complain when that’s really all they know? They continue to maintain their problems in order to maintain their behavior.

However, whiners, complainers and musers are not all the same. There are a number of differences worth considering. For example, naggers and complainers express their thoughts in a very explicit way. In contrast, pondering is purely mental. Whenever pondering becomes explicit, it turns into a complaint or criticism.

Complaints are more impersonal. Complainants usually talk about themselves and focus on their flaws. Instead, whiners are more interactive. Whining is directed at others, although some direct it at themselves (self-criticism). Nevertheless, these three behaviors focus on negative aspects.

Whispers, complainers and musers

As you can see, whiners, complainers, and musers are usually able to identify flaws in everything they see or do. They see all the details, no matter how small they are. It’s like staying calm makes them uncomfortable. Strangely enough, they always find a way to look down on things and people.

We must mention here an important detail. Whispers tend to be jealous. Jealousy is a dark and disqualifying feeling that works through criticism. Believe it or not, it is so powerful that it can distract the interlocutor from any progress or achievement. These people may turn against a friend because they have something they lack.

Whispers, complainers and musers are usually faced with the option of seeing a glass half full or half empty. Of course they specialize in seeing the glass half empty.

Even if they have the ability to see the bright side of things, they choose not to. They find refuge in the attitude of criticism and complaining with the aim of highlighting the things that could have been done and not the things that have been done.

However, this is not about not considering the negative aspect of things or what is missing. Only by paying attention to your inner self can you improve yourself, correct mistakes and improve your results. In this case, we specifically mention pointing out the negative through the preponderance of the complaint and the criticism, which makes change as something almost impossible.

How whiners, complainers and musers block action

Complaining is a mechanism that hinders the ability to change and improve an action. Those who choose to complain and often criticize, get too carried away when it comes to a problem. As a result, they become frustrated and move further and further away from the real solutions.

There is something else that adds to their frustration. We are talking here about their desire to always identify what is missing. It’s like it’s never enough. Whatever they do, it could always have been better.

In addition, an important factor plays a role in complaints: inactivity. Complainants usually criticize themselves, but don’t change. All their energy goes into complaining and judging themselves or what is around them.

So by not taking concrete actions that translate into solutions, there is a huge block that promotes complaints. In this way they form a seemingly endless vicious circle.

The effect of naggers, complainers and musers on self-esteem

As you can see, criticism and complaints are incredibly damaging to a person’s self-esteem. It’s only a matter of time before people drift away from them. Ultimately, no one likes to surround themselves with people who are constantly pointing out what hasn’t been done, what’s missing, or what’s wrong with everything.

On the other hand, it is true that giving constructive criticism is also difficult. After all, criticism is used to indicate what is missing and to disqualify.

But not only the content of the criticism is important, but also the way in which someone brings it. The tone, rhythm, facial expressions, hand movements and general physical expression are essential in this aspect.

It seems that complainants have only one goal: to create rejection from others. In fact, many complainants use criticism to disqualify others and put themselves in a position of superiority. This goes hand in hand with their low self-esteem: they feel they have to do this because of their sense of inferiority.

Turning criticism into requests

A lot of criticism, especially criticism in relationships (be it a couple or a parent, etc.), disguises requests. In short, underneath that person’s criticism there is actually a request that they want to make.

Let’s analyze this example. Imagine a teenage son yelling at his parents, “You’re never with me, you’re always busy with other things. You never listen to me!” This sounds like a complaint, right? Well, in reality he says, “I love you. I want you to spend more time with me.”

Let’s look at another example. Imagine a man saying to his wife, “You always go to bed early. You never spend time with me at night!” This criticism could easily be translated as, “I’d love it if you’d stay with me for a while so we could talk.”

It’s important to keep something in mind when making these kinds of requests. You must always take into account the possibilities and resources of the other.

Failure to do so will immediately result in a failed request. The options are different for everyone. Remember that just because you can do something doesn’t mean someone else can. Analyze how feasible your request is before submitting it.

Criticism comes from perfection

Finally, when they criticize, whiners and complainers put themselves in a position higher than the other. Remember that criticism often stems from perfection, where people think they have the right to judge as much as they want. This obviously makes any interlocutor angry.

Making a request is different. When someone requests something, there are no higher and lower positions. Requests have everything to do with value. When you request, you value the other person and make them feel emotionally important. Conversely, criticism revolves around disqualification.