When Cruel People Pretend To Be Good

There are a lot of cruel people in the world who disguise themselves as good guys, or as innocent sheep. They use premeditated Machiavellian emotional blackmail, based on fear, aggression, and insinuating gossip, to manipulate, attack, and harm others. They often seem—at first glance, or on the surface—pussy, but behind that carefully acted beauty they secretly hide base motives and furious frustrations.

They say that people who willfully insult and exploit others have almost always themselves been victims of similar exploitative treatment at one time or another. Or that the person who has been harmed or wronged, often wrongs or harms others himself. That’s the damned vicious circle of traumatization. Although these ideas are basically based on truth, there is also an aspect that we like to keep unspoken. Namely: evil, or evil – in people – is a given, and cannot be denied. Sometimes (chronic) cruelty is even provably rooted in biochemical brain abnormalities, making the person in question more than above average susceptible to, and prone to, aggressive behavior.

Scientist and writer Marcelino Cereijido, points out that “a so – called bad gene in our DNA cannot be identified one-to-one, but that nevertheless certain physiological, biological and cultural conditions emerge in the analyzes that – statically relevant – have a predictive value”, in other words: that make maladaptive, destructive behavior a lot more likely. Perhaps the most complicated thing about this is that we tend to label and pathologize behaviors that aren’t even found in diagnostic textbooks.

Bad deeds can also occur spontaneously, without necessarily having an underlying psychological (or social) disorder. We’ve all met someone who fits this profile description. People who give you attention and compliments, who adapt seamlessly to their environment, who are socially successful, but who cast a longer, dark shadow in their private lives, or in the secret of their thoughts. The emptiness in their hearts harbors harshness, despair, apathy, and even unbridled aggression.

Cruel people, and the moral molecule

As we mentioned just now, no one has ever succeeded in isolating a hypothetically postulated bad gene . In recent years, however, more and more studies have been published on the so-called ‘moral molecule’. To better understand what that is, or could be, let’s put it in the context of a true story. A tragic anecdote, which unfortunately we are confronted with far too often in the news.

Hans Reiser is a computer programmer from the United States who developed the ReiserFC file system. He has been in prison since 2008 for the murder of his wife. He had no qualms about pleading guilty and revealing where he had buried Nina Reiser’s body. The paradox in this case is the fact that this expert in programming is very intelligent, so much so that he was admitted to university at the age of fifteen.

After a brief criminal trial, and in the early months of his sentence, in San Quantin State Penitentiary, he began preparing and drafting his own defense and parole appeal. In five handwritten sheets, he argued that his brain was not functioning like the average citizen. He was aware of the academic publications and findings surrounding the oxytocin hormone, and used these to declare himself (reduced) mentally incompetent. In his view, he was born with a brain that did not produce, or in only very small quantities, the so-called ‘moral molecule’. He had a severe, endogenous lack of empathy.

As you probably expected, his conviction – of life imprisonment – ​​was not waived. However, this emotionally charged, complex theme, about the origin of evil, was reopened for further debate and research. Fortunately, today the role of oxytocin, as the hormone that makes us human in the most humane sense of that term, is generally appreciated. It’s why we, normally, are respectful of others, caring for each other, and showing basic concern for the well-being of our ilk (and hopefully one day all living, sentient beings we share this planet with) .

How do you protect yourself from hidden cruelty?

In our everyday lives, we rarely, if ever, have to deal with people as extremely cruel as the aforementioned Hans Reiser. Yet we are regularly the victims of similar interactions, which ultimately lie on the same spectrum – albeit much less intense and serious – but which nevertheless have a nasty, negative impact, such as: false kindness, latent aggression, (emotional) manipulation, subtle selfishness, harmful sarcasm, and so on.

This kind of nasty behavior can have many different causes. Perhaps the perpetrator lacks emotional intelligence, or he or she grew up in a family or social environment in which feelings were taboo. Or – why not – perhaps the rude person in question has a gross lack of oxytocin. All of these factors, and more, could contribute to the presence and expression of semi-dormant and light-explosive aggressiveness. Whatever the underlying explanation may be, it is extremely important to remember that the term aggression is not just limited to physical abuse.

Emotional, instrumental and verbal aggression are usually less visible and seem to have to be explicitly proven and named rather than tangible violence, while in practice we are relatively more likely to endure non-physical attacks and have to arm ourselves against them. And we’ll tell you exactly how best to do that.

How to recognize and avoid cruel people

Anyone can be, or become, a victim of cruel people – regardless of age, social status, or existential baggage and experience. And these mean or ruthless individuals can – unfortunately – be encountered everywhere: be it on the street, on vacation, at work, within your own family sphere, or wherever and whenever. Therefore, be extra careful with the following identification indicators:

• A person whose heart is dark and darkened will wrap you delicately with his or her enchanting lies. They will disguise themselves under enticing-sounding sentences, beautiful promises, and noble-looking actions and initiatives, but the extortion is never far away, lurking like a patient tiger in the grass, at the first chance to pounce, at your scruff, and trunks, to grasp. That is the moment when you are devastated, can no longer go anywhere, stuck between the jaws of fear, guilt, and mental abuse.
• All you have to do is put a stop to these malicious tricks: don’t tolerate it, from anyone. Whether it’s your sister, your partner, your colleague, or your boss, it doesn’t matter. People who over and over again disrupt your inner calm and balance, indiscriminately flouting, have only one goal: to destroy your self-confidence and self-esteem, and to bring you under their control.

• It feels like there is no escape, like they have you completely under control. Therefore, remind yourself that the most powerful person is the one who is master of himself. ‘ Be active and firm in your resistance, don’t let them mess with you any longer, get out of their pathological game of dominance and aggression.

Such subdued power struggles and hidden aggressions are very tough and sneaky, so you have to act abruptly to avoid falling into their trap and dismantling veiled threats in no time. As soon as you feel uncomfortable or upset, because of or with or about certain behavior, your only option is to resolutely distance yourself from each other, or create at once.