The More We Do For Others, The Less They Do For Themselves

The more we do for others, the happier we feel ourselves (or so we think). You offer others your help and if you are able to alleviate their suffering, why not. But sometimes your willingness to make things a little easier for other people doesn’t give you much satisfaction in the end. Contrary to what you expect, you find that  the more you do, the more  disappointed you feel.

Life is not easy and there are many difficult moments that we have to deal with. But these moments make us stronger and wiser. They allow us to grow and get to know ourselves better. If we didn’t get a chance to endure them, we wouldn’t grow. But as for the people closest to you, you want to take the suffering out of their hands. You might even want to take their place if you could. But that is impossible.

Don’t run away from yourself

The more we do for others, the more we run away from ourselves,  probably for several reasons. You don’t want to face your problems,  so you focus on other people. All the help you could use yourself, you give to other people. All the affection and support you ask for but do not receive, you offer selflessly.

You may have realized by now that  you are projecting your own needs onto others. Instead of taking care of your own needs, you run away from them. But how can you help other people if you don’t even know how to help yourself? How can you give love if you can’t give it to yourself? In order to be generous to others, you must first be generous to yourself. You can’t offer anything that you haven’t nurtured in yourself first,  even if you think you have.

You may not be aware that you are making a few mistakes that affect both yourself and others. For example, you won’t be able to build healthy relationships if you give everything and forget yourself.

In order to take care of others, you must first take care of yourself. Your goal is to help the people you love, get them up when they fall, and be a good source of motivation for them when they’ve tried everything else. But how can you do that if you can’t do it for yourself? Doing that will destroy you.

Do not develop dependent relationships. You want other people to depend on you, but maybe you are the one who is dependent. This will never result in a healthy relationship. Dependence  causes so much more damage than you think.

Make yourself your first priority. You can’t help anyone if you have all kinds of problems yourself. Put yourself first. It is important to recognize this because you tend to give and give without having the strength to do it.

Other people have the ability to choose

The more we sometimes do for others, the more we limit their ability to choose for themselves. In fact, they deny themselves on your behalf. They have stopped fighting for their dreams because they want them to be okay and now all this responsibility falls  on your shoulders. But isn’t fighting for yourself enough? You live for two, three or more people.

Even if your friend suffers, it’s up to him to choose whether he wants to stay in that stormy situation or not. All you can do is listen to him, offer your perspective when he asks, and be there for him when he needs you. But you can never make decisions for others, tell them what to do or suffer for them.

Our decisions set the course for the rest of our lives. There is no predestined destiny; we shape it based on our decisions. If someone makes your decision for you, it is no longer your path, and you will eventually leave it.

That’s why you didn’t get anything back from the people you gave yourself to, why they didn’t behave the way you expected. You wanted some form of gratitude, but you didn’t realize  you were being involved in a life that isn’t yours. No one will give you a medal for competing in someone else’s battles.

Of course, it’s easier if someone else charts the path for you to follow in his footsteps. But this attitude will get you nowhere. We learn from our mistakes, from the people who hurt us, from every experience  that defines us. If we didn’t go through all this, how could we appreciate a friend’s trust? How can we appreciate that the path to success is full of twists and turns?

Any time you feel tempted to take control of someone else’s life, remember that if you do, the other person will stop fighting for themselves. He will no longer have to deal with difficult situations or learn what happens next. You’ll want to make things easier for him, but the world isn’t easy. Instead of doing the other person a favor, you are actually pushing them towards a fictional world.

Images Courtesy of Diaria Petrillic