The Heartbreaking Love Poem Of A Man With Obsessive-compulsive Disorder

Obsessive-compulsive disorder is an anxiety disorder that manipulates thoughts, emotions, and behavior. One of the most limiting symptoms of this disorder is feeling compelled to constantly repeat words, thoughts, or actions. For this relieves the anxiety that his thoughts and feelings create.

But what are these obsessions? They are ideas, thoughts, images or an urge that are recurring, persistent or absurd. In addition, they are naturally involuntary or egodystonic (unpleasant or intrusive). They are not overly concerned about real problems. But they are fears that arise about foreseeable and unlikely problems. The person is able to recognize that these thought processes are the product of his own mind. Yet these kinds of fears can cause considerable anxiety

There is another term involved in the definition of this disorder, “compulsion.” Compulsion can be understood as a form of repetitive behavior that is a response to an obsession. The behavior follows specific rules or is performed in a stereotyped manner. It has no end goal, but rather it is supposed to create or prevent certain situations or conditions. This way of ‘solving’ something is not rational (opening and closing the car door x number of times). If it is rational, then it is clear that it is a disproportionate solution to a problem (wash hands x number of times).

Let’s look at an example to illustrate this duo of obsession-compulsion. A person with obsessive-compulsive disorder may be driving and suddenly think that something bad may have happened to their family. He knows that this fear is a product of his mind. Still, he feels the need to grab the car window three times in a row to “prevent anything from happening to them.” This is irrational thinking. But the compulsive urge, along with the resistance, makes the person do it. The act itself is not pleasant for the person concerned, but in the moment it works effectively to reduce the anxiety.

The Heartbreaking and Emotional Poem of a Man with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

We have all, or nearly all, experienced the deep feelings of love and heartache. Or we would like to have that experience. Yet little is known about how people with obsessive-compulsive disorder experience this.

We think that these feelings are a fundamental pillar of the human emotional experience. It may also be true that there is no way to describe or theorize this unique emotional experience. Having someone share their feelings with the world while acknowledging their problem helps us get closer to them and recognize their experiences.

It shouldn’t be easy for someone with this disorder or for the partner. Neil Hilborn makes this clear in his poem. He is a writer and poet and has obsessive-compulsive disorder. Neil Hilborn is from the United States and wants to give voice to what happened in his mind when he fell in love. He also talks about what the breakup meant to him and how it affected his daily obsessions and compulsions.

I saw her the first time…
Everything in my head went silent.
All the tics, all the continuously renewing images just disappeared.
When you have obsessive-compulsive disorder, you don’t really have those quiet moments.

Even in bed I think:
Did I close the doors? Yes.
Did I wash my hands? Yes.
Have I closed the doors? Yes.
Did I wash my hands? Yes.

But when I saw her, all I could think about was the hairpin bend of her lips…
Or the lash on her cheek—
the lash on her cheek—
the lash on her cheek.

I knew I had to talk to her.
In thirty seconds I had asked her out six times.
She said yes after the third time, but not once did it feel right, so I kept going.

On our first date, it took me more time to sort the food by color than to eat it, or to fucking talk to her…
But she loved it.
She loved that I had to kiss her sixteen times at parting or twenty-four times on Wednesdays.
She loved that it took forever to walk home because the footpath was full of cracks.

When we moved in together, she said she felt safe because no one would ever rob us because I definitely closed the door eighteen times.

I always looked at her mouth when she talked—
when she talked—
when she talked—
when she talked—
when she talked;
when she said she loved me, the edges of her mouth curled up.

At night she lay in bed watching me turn off all the lights… And on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off , and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off.
She would then close her eyes and picture herself looking at the passing days and nights.
Some mornings I wanted to kiss her to say goodbye, but then she had to leave because I made her late for work…

Then I stopped in front of a crack in the sidewalk and she just walked on…
Then she said she loved me and her mouth was a straight line.
She told me I was taking up too much of her time.

Last week she went to sleep with her mother for the first time.
She told me she shouldn’t have let me get so attached to her; that this whole thing was a mistake, but…
How could it be a mistake that I shouldn’t wash my hands after touching her?

Love is not a mistake, and it breaks my heart that she can walk away from this and I just can’t.
I can’t – I can’t go out and find someone new because I’m always thinking about her.
When I become obsessed with things, I usually see germs creeping into my skin.

I see myself crushed by an endless line of cars…
And she was the first beautiful thing I ever got stuck on.
I want to wake up every morning thinking about the way she holds the steering wheel of the car…

How she turns the shower knob like she’s opening a safe.
How she blows out
candles— blows
out
candles— blows out
candles— blows
out candles— blows out candles— blows out…

Now all I think about is who is kissing her now.
I can’t breathe because he only kisses her once – he doesn’t care if it’s perfect!
I want her back so badly…
I leave the door open.
I leave the lights on.

Author: Neil Hilborn

How do you live with someone with obsessive-compulsive disorder?

Living with someone with this disorder must understand that these people cannot control their obsessions and compulsions. They may or may not be aware that their thoughts and actions are irrational, but they cannot control them without help.

Don’t judge. Also, don’t try to prevent them from doing their routines. This can only cause more stress and create an even bigger wound. You cannot convince them to think or act differently. So it is important that you treat them with patience and kindness.

Do not participate in the rituals. You can offer support in daily matters. Another thing you shouldn’t do is hide passive communication styles. Also, do not allow them to stifle understanding and acceptance. Some authors talk about the limitations of negotiating with someone who suffers from this disorder. They put it this way: ‘Because I like you, I don’t participate in harmful behavior’; ‘I know it’s hard and you may be angry, but it’s better I don’t perform this ritual for you’; “the doctor told me not to participate, and he knows what he’s talking about, we’ve decided to trust his judgement.”

Finally, we would like to end this article with an advice. It is extremely important to seek psychological and psychiatric help from someone who specializes in treating obsessive-compulsive disorder. The person suffering from this disorder and the people around him or her need help from a qualified expert. It can help them manage the situation and improve their daily life.