The Art Of Self-deception

The art of self-deception refers to situations where we lie to ourselves. It’s actually our mind that plays tricks on us. Self-deception occurs when we convince ourselves that something is true when it is not true, but we do it unconsciously.

The difference between lying and self-deception is that with lies the person is aware that he is not telling the truth. While with self-deception, people subconsciously convince themselves that a lie is actually the truth.

In other words, the person doesn’t realize he’s doing it, or at least he doesn’t always realize it, and that’s exactly where the power of self-deception lies. Until we realize it, self-deception will show its power; in its own quiet, disguised way.

There are several forms of self-deception, some of which are more common than others. In addition, each form has different psychological effects. We will explain the four most common forms of self-deception and their main psychological effects.

1. The art of self-deception: functional self-deception

We see functional self-deception in situations where the person is lying and tries to convince himself that his decision is right. The best-known example of functional self-deception can be found in the Fable of the Fox and the Grapes.

In this fable, the fox, characterized by its cunning, is attracted to a juicy grape and tries to reach it by repeatedly jumping up. After a few failed attempts, the fox stops trying and addresses his frustration by deceiving himself. He convinces himself that he doesn’t want the grapes anymore and that they weren’t ripe enough.

The self-deception described in the fable of the fox and the grapes is called functional self-deception. This has a very clear function (hence its name): the act of lying to oneself is beneficial to the fox, for it avoids the annoyance that comes from not being able to reach those grapes.

The Problems of Functional Self-Deception

In the short term, functional self-deception may serve a purpose, but in the long term it is neither positive nor healthy. The psychological effect is achieved because the person decides to turn a truth (not being able to achieve a goal) into a lie that reassures him (the goal is not worth it).

According to psychologist Giorgio Nardone, any good intention, if repeated too much, becomes negative and counterproductive. In other words, anything that is functional will produce the opposite effect of the desired effect if it takes too long or is used in large quantities.

In this way, the person who uses functional self-deception is never challenged and is constantly stuck in his comfort zone. For instead of training himself to acquire the necessary skills to achieve his goal, he continues to lie to himself. He convinces himself that what he wanted isn’t all that important after all, or that it wasn’t worth the effort needed to achieve the goal.

2. Value and Faith

The self-deception called “value and faith” stems from the need to end a conflict of desires. This kind of self-deception is characterized by the belief that if something takes a lot of money, time, or effort, it’s worth more than something we didn’t pay that much for. For example, we attach much more value to belonging to a group that we had to work hard for than another group that asked less of us.

In situations where a person has to work hard to achieve a goal, whether the goal is attractive or not, he selectively focuses his attention on anything that confirms that his goal is valuable. Ultimately, he believes the goal is valuable to justify the investment he has put into it. If not, the conflict of desires we mentioned above will emerge.

Where does this kind of self-deception come from?

Because we as humans cannot sustain the inconsistency between our cognitive system (beliefs, thoughts and ideas) and our behavioral system (actions, behavior) in a psychological way for a very long time, the self-delusion of “value and belief” arises as a way of resolve the paradox.

The main psychological effect of this type of self-deception is that the person struggles to achieve a goal that often does not fit with their principles and values. It is a kind of self-deception that has an expiration date because its operation does not last forever. In the long run, it usually comes down to becoming aware of this deception and feeling disappointed.

3. Comforting Self-Deception

Comforting self-deception is the smartest kind of self-deception and is often observed in jealous people. Comforting lying occurs in situations where the person blames something or someone else for their situation, in order to feel sorry for themselves.

Some examples of comforting self-deception are thinking that you have a phobia because your mother “made you afraid of dogs” or thinking that you are a very jealous person because your partner gives you reasons to be so. These are thoughts that a person often calls up within himself to find comfort.

In this way, comforting self-deception protects our self-esteem and ego. It makes us believe that nothing is our fault and that we are always the victims. In a way, this is positive, because in many situations we are not 100% responsible for the circumstances in which we find ourselves. But on the other hand, resorting to past causes and external factors creates resistance to the changes we need to make in our lives.

The pitfalls of comforting self-deception

Comforting lying protects us. The problem with any form of long-term protection is that it doesn’t allow us to grow psychologically. The psychological effect of this self-deception is that it hinders us from dealing with the problems that make us feel bad and assures us that it is impossible to overcome them.

4. Lying to others to convince yourself

One of the most subtle ways to deceive yourself is to lie to others and thus lie to yourself. These are situations where the person conveys stories, situations, and perceptions that are distorted. At first, a person is aware of this small distortion of the truth, but little by little, the person is eventually absorbed by his story and the characters involved.

When this mechanism of lying to others is repeated several times, the lie turns into a truth—even for those who created it. A possible explanation for this phenomenon is that the brain adapts to dishonesty and the lie is experienced as reality. It’s as if the person has forgotten that they made it all up. Even when there is clear evidence that it is a lie, these people manage to continue to deny reality, not because of a lack of honesty, but through self-deception.

No one is immune to this kind of deception. It is a very common psychological phenomenon and to some extent quite normal. Freeing yourself from your own lies requires a lot of personal reflection. Looking inside yourself and understanding your own values, ideals and desires is the first step to protect yourself from any kind of self-deception and to focus on goals that you would really like to achieve.