The 3 Hour Rule: Adult Tantrums
The 3-hour rule helps adults deal with disappointments. Surprisingly, tantrums in adults are very common, although they are not as visible and noticeable as in children.
As a rule, an adult is more discreet, calmer and quieter because, after all, they also have to face their frustration. They have to deal with those annoying emotions that make them lose their cool.
Admit it, neither years nor maturity have made you an effective being when it comes to your emotions. It is true that on some occasions we encounter adults who, like three-year-old children, throw a tantrum.
Keep in mind that each person still harbors their own inner child and they still get hurt and disappointed when things don’t go the way they want.
When your high expectations about certain things don’t come true, you have to learn to deal with your disappointment and your anger. Collecting an excess of negative emotions will eat you up sooner or later.
We all tend to throw a tantrum in our daily lives, but we have learned to hide them at some point in our lives.
However, having them constantly will only put you in an exhausting state. Therefore, you should have some simple strategies to deal with it.
Tantrums in adults
Tantrums in adults are very common, but manifest very differently than in children. For starters, one of the reasons many people go to psychological therapy is because their anxiety levels are so high and they don’t know how to deal with it.
Thus, when professionals delve further into the origins of such dysfunctional moods in their patients, it is natural to find that they follow the same pattern.
Some people blame everyone for their disappointments: family, friends, spouse, co-workers, and so on. Everyone is against them and they are abandoning them all. They should be punished with their own thorns.
This is exactly the kind of frustration that turns into a tantrum, even if it’s often just inside. It becomes a silent oar that rows incessantly between frustration, anger and disappointment.
Tantrums in adults don’t just manifest as anger and the kind of aggression that makes a person break things. Many of these people isolate themselves to throw everything out. So it is not easy to rationalize many of the things that happen to us every day.
Some people are definitely able to deal with and accept their daily frustrations and disappointments. However, others are vulnerable and should know some strategies to help them cope.
The emotional filter
Daniel Goleman points out in his book Destructive Emotions that our emotional brain reacts first when something bad happens in our environment. This means that everything goes through the emotional filter before it reaches the rational filter.
Other researchers such as Joseph E. LeDoux of New York University also saw something similar in the studies they conducted. People actually act on their emotions and that’s why they freak out more than once.
So what can we do when we feel trapped by emotions? How should we act in those moments when all we feel is anger and frustration? And how do we act when something comes our way that we don’t like?
You have three hours to act
Our tantrums often have negative consequences. On the one hand (and less often) some people react in an affected way. For example, they raise their voices and speak disrespectfully or even break things. On the other hand (and much more often), others deal with their anger and frustration in silence.
You can employ a simple strategy with a peculiar premise to avoid one or the other: awareness. Give yourself three hours to process and deal with all adverse, unpleasant or frustrating events.
After that time, it’s too late to solve it intelligently and maturely. You will also be able to handle your emotions well, especially your frustration.
The 3-hour rule for adult tantrums
First of all, breathe well and don’t get carried away by the first emotion that arises. Remember that anger is the first feeling that comes to mind when you are frustrated. You should therefore welcome it, but never let it guide your actions.
The first step to take then is to reduce its impact and ease the physical exertion that comes with it. Try to soften the negative thoughts it usually brings. Controlling your anger and anger will make everything easier because you will make better choices.
Focus and stay calm
Tantrums are typical of children who have not yet learned to manage their emotions. Dealing with tantrums is a normal part of their adulthood process.
So adults should already be past that stage. The most important thing to do after you have calmed your anger is to focus and think mature and balanced.
Take two or three hours to figure out the reason for your discomfort and frustration. Start with the following questions:
- What’s wrong? Is there a logical explanation for why you feel this way?
- What should you do to feel better and prevent this situation from happening again?
Answer the above questions calmly and patiently.
Take action
The last and most important step is to generate a response or adjust your behavior during these three hours. There’s no point in waiting until tomorrow.
Tantrums in adults occur because there is something threatening about a situation and it frustrates them. If you believe an action is appropriate after reviewing it carefully, act on it. For example, you can ask for an explanation from someone who has said or done something vulnerable and demand that this person respect your boundaries.
This means that you have to resolve conflicts in a reasonable way, in a way that makes you feel better and in which you are respectful. If after careful reflection you realize that you acted impulsively, admit it and ask for forgiveness.
In conclusion, emotional maturity doesn’t just happen as you get older, it doesn’t automatically update at a certain age. You have to work towards this process yourself. So there is nothing better than keeping your tantrums to yourself and dealing with them in silence. Follow the 3-hour rule!
