On Holiday Together, How Do You Keep It Fun?

Summer vacations are a test for every couple. After all, suddenly you are no longer only together for a few hours a day or on weekends, but you are on each other’s lips 24 hours a day. Going on holiday together therefore requires some adjustment. It will either go well or not. This depends on the characteristics of the couple and the psychological flexibility of both partners.

In this article, we’ll explain why going on vacation together can cause so many problems, what are the main conflicts couples go through during the summer, and how you can improve your relationship by following a few simple tips.

Do vacations affect couples more than other relationships?

Yes, the answer is absolutely yes. Couples have certain characteristics that set them apart from other interpersonal relationships. These other species range from family, to friends, or even co-workers. When it comes to relationships with family members, we see our relationship with these people as unconditional (no matter what, they are family). A relationship between a couple, on the other hand, is conditional (we stay together or not, depending on how things go).

For all these reasons, it is quite normal for people to be more patient with family members than with their partner. Because subconsciously you are always aware of the fact that you have chosen your partner. Meanwhile, your family is a group of people you just have, like it or not. In general, we are much more tolerant of the people in our immediate family (mother, father, brothers, sisters, cousins, etc.) than of our partners, from whom we demand much more.

How does going on vacation together affect a couple?

Summer and vacation time bring some very important changes to your routine. For most of the year you have schedules, routines, tasks (children, work) and as a couple you are on the back burner. So you work more as a team than as a couple in a romantic sense.

As soon as the summer comes, the couple suddenly gets the first priority, because suddenly you have free time to spend together. Your couple then becomes something you spend more time and attention on, meaning there will be moments of friction. And if you don’t handle these moments properly, they can cause conflict or trouble.

Problem 1: ‘It’s like my partner is irritating me’

This problem arises because you are so used to breathing your own ‘fresh air’ or worrying more about yourself and your obligations that you now feel that you are being ‘forced’ to take part in your personal life. give up time and space for your partner. In other words, you spend little time with your partner all year round because of your work, social life and children, if you have any. But when you go on vacation together, you find yourself in a situation where you spend a lot of time with your partner. And this can take some getting used to.

Even people who spend a lot of time together and work well together all year round have their own habits and interests. You can cater for all your individual needs during the year, but during summer vacations, when you spend more time with your partner, you should also consider his interests and needs. It is normal to experience some discomfort with this. But you have to process it properly so that you don’t see your partner as someone who “annoys” you for not making you do things you “always do.”

Problem 2: ‘We don’t use our vacation time, we do nothing’

There are couples who get mad at each other because they feel like they’re not taking advantage of their vacation time. They stay at home, go to a small town to see family, or perhaps take a trip that ends up being disappointing. In these cases , the conflict arises when both partners expect the other to take the initiative to fill in their vacation time or suggest activities, walks, or outings.

What sometimes happens to couples is that one of them takes on the role of the person who “proposes and directs.” This means that the other person “obeys and does not oppose.” It may be that one of the two finds it difficult to make suggestions about the leisure activities on vacation. Eventually the other will do this too. The problems arise when the person who ‘proposes and directs’ gets tired of having to decide everything. What happens then is that all the responsibility for making the most of the vacation time falls on the shoulders of someone who doesn’t know how to do it because they’ve never had to do it before.

Both partners therefore place all responsibility for allocating the vacation time with the other person. But with no one taking control of the situation (both for their own reasons), their cozy vacation turns into a time of bitterness about what they can or cannot do. Then comes the time when you lash out at the other because you didn’t go to some place because HE didn’t suggest it. Or maybe one of you has brought it up, but you haven’t taken steps to do it.

Problem 3: ‘Suddenly I notice all the bad things’

It is normal to see attitudes and behaviors in your partner that you like and dislike. It’s also normal to have certain expectations about how your partner should be. And the more time you spend with someone, the more normal it is that all those “flaws” you see in them annoy you. Therefore, if you spend more time with your partner, it will seem that what annoys you about him becomes even more irritating. Instead of being tolerant and accepting it, you’re only making yourself more susceptible to it.

For example, it can annoy you that your partner takes a long time to get up in the morning. If this also happens while you are on vacation together, it will only make you more uncomfortable. That’s because his habit can mean getting nothing done in the morning. Or maybe you’ll be late to places you want to see. Or that you feel like your partner is hindering you and you can’t take full advantage of your vacation.

This is where the conflict really arises. The moment you make the characteristics of your partner that you don’t like more important than everything you do like about him. We all become more demanding towards other people when we are on vacation. After all, it’s something we wait all year for, and invest time and money into.

Therefore, the frustrations can run much higher when we are on vacation together. We just want everything to be perfect. And then there is no room for certain annoying traits that we normally accept without any problem.

Is a crisis inevitable when you are on holiday together?

Absolutely not. It is true that summer puts many couples to the test. But the relationship still needs to be healthy and stable. A couple can therefore argue when they are on vacation together because they suddenly have to spend a lot more time together, but this does not have to mean a relationship crisis.

The best way to avoid a crisis on vacation is to work on yourself. This will help you maintain a better relationship. Therefore, below are some practical tips to improve and grow your relationship while you are on vacation together.

3 tips to avoid conflict with your partner this summer

1. Make an effort to look for the positive things you like about your partner, and let them know that too

It is very important that you focus with all five senses on what you like most about your partner. As humans, we tend to bottle things up. And also to make the negatives bigger than the positives. You must therefore actively fight against this tendency to nurture the bond with your partner.

It is very important to let your partner know about the things you love about them. This will also have a positive effect on you. This will make it easier for your partner to do the same. And if he tells you, for example, that you look good, it will give you a huge boost of positive energy. And this will only make your best sides shine even more.

2. Build good communication by actively listening and using empathy and eye contact

Communication is the most important factor when it comes to properly expressing disagreements with your partner. And it’s a way for you to build strong and deeply connected relationships. For your communication to be effective, you need to listen actively, be empathetic, and maintain eye contact. Make sure the other person knows you’re all ears.

3. Plan holidays and look for moments when everyone can do their own thing

Going on holiday together does not mean that you really have to do everything together. It is very healthy and positive for a couple to have moments where each person can breathe their own oxygen. Without having to worry about the other person. Knowing how to be alone is the best recipe for confidence and self-esteem. And this will only benefit your relationship. Allow yourself a moment of personal intimacy and aloneness. It will help you connect with your emotions and personal needs.

Finally, remember that a relationship is a part of your life that you have to take care of all your life. Going on vacation together will put your relationship to the test. But if you’re in a close relationship and there are more positives than negatives, an argument doesn’t necessarily mean things aren’t going well or it’s going to lead to a breakup.