Intelligently Expressing Negative Emotions Is Good For You

Expressing negative emotions when you feel them doesn’t mean you lose control. Getting angry and saying ‘I’ve had enough’, responding to someone who wants us to be meek and quiet… can be healthy, and sometimes even necessary.

Biographers of Winston Churchill wrote that the celebrated British Prime Minister had inherited his leadership qualities and Victorian disposition from his father. From his mother he inherited his stubbornness, energy and an innate ability to persuasion.

But just as the politician himself said more than once, his family had a special coat of arms that he wore with resignation all his life: depression.

His “black dog,” as Churchill called it, invaded his personal life. On the face of it, he was an energetic, iron-willed man who managed to save Britain from the Nazis, stood out for being a great journalist, and even received a Nobel Prize in Literature.

Nevertheless, all the accumulated tensions and fears within rose like heavy stones, only to be consumed one by one in deep silence.

Because as a politician, he could occasionally let go of his ways to show his courage and energy, but as a human, he had less leeway. As a man lived with his ‘black dog’, his books and his endless bottles of brandy…

You can express your negative emotions without losing control

If there’s one thing our society has taught us wrong, it’s that there are good emotions and bad emotions. In fact, if we say here that irritation, anger and anger are healthy, you may immediately think that this is contradictory. How can these emotions traditionally related to aggression, arguing or even violence be good?

Well, this stereotype is very common, and it’s just one example of our lack of competence in emotional matters. But let it be clear, there are no good or bad emotions.

In fact, if we make the mistake of suppressing, swallowing, or disguising our anger or irritation, the only thing we will achieve in the long run—on top of the emotional indigestion—is that our “positive” emotions will lose their intensity. .

We have the right to express our negative emotions. The best way to do this is, of course, with intelligence and assertiveness. We can give ourselves permission to show our anger and irritation.

Just because we associate these emotions with problems doesn’t mean they’re “bad.” Moreover, we can learn a lot from them about our psychological health: it helps us to resolve conflicts better.

Adaptive Anger and Good Anger

Anne is a math teacher for high school freshmen. In addition to being a great teacher, she has excellent leadership skills. She knows how to communicate with her students when they are not paying attention to her or when they are not performing as they should.

She is agile in her communication, responds quickly and she knows how to express her emotions so that they have a positive impact on her students. With the energy she draws from her own emotions, she is able to encourage, guide and inspire her students at the same time.

However, all these qualities that Anne shows in class, she does not have in her personal life, with her family and her partner. She’s the type of person who constantly tries to keep all the balls in the air to please everyone, who tries to make time where she really can’t, and who isn’t able to say “no” to anyone. .

However, Anne’s anger and frustration becomes so great that she feels it will at some point affect her work.

To help Anna, and anyone else in the same situation as her, we invite you to reflect on some simple principles.

Intelligently expressing your negative emotions, what matters?

To begin with, let’s remember one detail: to express our negative emotions without losing control, we must use functional, adaptive, and controlled anger.

By this we mean communication without yelling, insulting or needlessly blaming. It is a way of communicating where every word spoken first passes through a filter of respect and calm.

We do not suppress or mask our feelings. If there’s something that bothers or hurts us, we shouldn’t swallow those emotions, as if we were trying to push rotten food down our throats.

However, it means that we don’t immediately react with anger. If you do, chances are your anger will open up the most dysfunctional part of you, which won’t do the situation any good.

Therefore, the best thing to do in these cases is to plan in advance what you will say, how you will say it, and when to say it. This planning gives you the opportunity to respond more intelligently – not falsely or insincerely.

In short, well-managed anger has the ability to give us the strength we need to resolve all kinds of situations. Expressing our negative emotions intelligently, respectfully and assertively allows us to be truly free.