I Want To Be Happy, Not Pretend To Be
Nothing is more important than feeling happy. But is it immediately necessary to actively look for it? What if we are already happy? Would that by definition make our lives meaningless?
Although it is impossible to show the outside world a smile at all times, we often force ourselves to do so. Have you noticed that grief is often not really welcomed socially? For that reason, many people unconsciously hide their negative feelings and emotions.
Being, or becoming, happy was never your first assignment
Where can we find great happiness? From an early age you were implicitly taught what steps you had to follow to have a fulfilling life. Perhaps the most persistent advice is that you prioritize getting a good job so that, thanks to this economic security, we will survive.
In addition to the importance of work, our culture idealizes the long-term love affair, and the nuclear family, as the prime model for personal fulfillment. But what happens if those romantic promises don’t come true? What if we continue to feel unhappy even though we have a wife or husband, children, and a stable income?
If we have always faithfully obeyed society’s prescription and yet our long-awaited happiness does not come, we are overcome by a deep sadness and we feel terribly miserable. We begin to believe that we do not deserve a life of joy.
All those parental guidelines that supposedly guarantee future happiness actually create lofty expectations that, in practice, do not achieve their intended purpose. As much as we wish it were otherwise, happiness is not what they told us. We must therefore open our own eyes and look around us with fresh eyes.
Once you do that, you’ll see that – generally speaking – those with more money and possessions aren’t necessarily the happiest. On the contrary, people who have to make do with little are much more likely to have a smile on their face. They truly value what they have and know that happiness is not a matter of property, professional recognition or status. They realize that happiness is about cultivating the right attitude.
Such people do not need anyone for a genuine smile. They don’t feel unsuccessful because they don’t always get what they want and accept that sometimes life is hard. Yet they are optimistic about the future and continue to fight for a better existence.
Is happiness my duty?
In a sense, we are socially compelled to be, or at least appear , happy . To smile even when we can barely hold back our tears. Just take a quick glance at the plethora of self-help books that “help” (and promise) to make us feel better about ourselves and others.
However, the fundamental problem cannot be ignored: it is unrealistic – for anyone – to feel happy non-stop, 24 hours a day. Above all because positive and negative emotions coexist, that is, are mutually dependent on each other. We almost automatically try to escape unpleasant emotions, because they would impair our well-being.
Given this conditioning, it is therefore not surprising that in most cases we feign a smile, pretending to be happy. Because who obediently follows this social convention, is accepted sooner, and integrates more easily. Positivity prevails, because that is what is most desirable for everyone.
The unfortunate result is that we obscure our true feelings, especially when we are perishing inside. Without realizing it, we disguise our grief with a fake smile, silence inner cries for help with forced laughter, and hide heartache behind falsely grinning eyes.
Such a harrowing situation is aptly illustrated in the video presented below. This medium distorts in such a way that only the rosy part of our lives is reviewed. And sometimes that’s the most contrived aspect of our experience. (Unfortunately, the video contains some Spanish subtitles, but the images speak for themselves.)
The decision not to be happy
What if you decide not to be happy? Although it may sound strange to us, there are a lot of people who don’t really desire happiness. And that should not come as a surprise once you see – clear as a lump – that, after all, we do everything we can to avoid this holy grail of states of mind, happiness.
We want to achieve happiness through professional success, through our family life, by finding a comfortable balance in all areas of our lives. In short: goals and more goals, which, even with success, do not offer us eternal euphoria.
Feeling happy is a specific mood of your mind. And in you many different feelings can arise at the same time. From this consciousness, it reveals exactly what you can and cannot control in order to promote your own happiness.
Appreciate what you already have and don’t act like you’re always in tip-top shape. Don’t let anything or anyone persuade you to pretend to be anything other than how you feel inside and who you really are. Stay away from the castles in the air that your surroundings assured you would make you happy, but which have always proved elusive. Happiness lies within you. So the question is, are you happy right now?
