How To Control Your Impulses

Impulses come from your irrational, primitive side. Controlling your impulses is like taming a wild beast. Perhaps the animal seems to obey you in some situations, but then suddenly acts completely instinctively. At those times, it doesn’t matter whether what the animal does is ultimately beneficial or not.

In short, impulses test your self-control. Are you controlled by your impulses? Keep reading for tips and strategies on how to manage your impulsivity.

Dominant impulses are the cause of many psychological problems. Addiction and dependence are clear examples, but uncontrolled impulses are also characteristic of conditions such as bulimia and borderline personality disorder.

Impulse control problems create emotional tension that is difficult to shake off. Only when you succumb to the impulse do you experience relief from the tension. The relief you feel in that moment reinforces the impulse and makes it even more difficult to control in the future.

This relief is short-lived, however, and once it’s over, you’re left with feelings that are even more intense and discouraging: guilt and regret.

Yet we often tend to forget those annoying feelings over time and just make the same mistakes again. That desire for temporary gratification eventually leads to the feeling that you can’t resist your impulses. You feel powerless. This can become a vicious circle that is difficult to break.

Where do impulses come from?

Scientists don’t know exactly where impulses come from. However, by looking at people in exceptional cases, we can get more information about the more likely explanations.

You can also learn to be impulsive through imitation. If you’ve seen your parents handle problems impulsively and impatiently, chances are you’re exhibiting this behavior yourself. The good news, however, is that you can learn to change those patterns.

Studies also show that a serotonin deficiency in the brain can predispose people to impulsivity. Consequently, scientists believe that selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors may be effective for people with these types of problems.

However, keep in mind that the effectiveness of these drugs is limited. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors may help at first, but they won’t help you develop different, functional behaviors. Another problem is that you can develop a tolerance to this drug and experience some side effects.

It seems that certain emotional wounds from childhood may also be partly responsible for an adult’s impulsive behavior.

When researchers look at the past of people who are pathologically impulsive, they often find certain “voids” in their upbringing, such as an absent parent or a lack of affection or emotional regulation. People want to fill these ‘voids’ as quickly and as intensely as possible.

Because of this, these types of people are often slightly more prone to emotional dependence, alcohol abuse, gambling, compulsive shopping, or anything else that makes them question their self-esteem.

Are you controlled by your impulses? How can you control your impulses?

Learning how to control your impulses is by no means easy. As we mentioned earlier, impulses are often like wild beasts, and we all know that taming a wild animal is no easy feat. It requires patience, willingness and perseverance.

In addition, it is quite unrealistic to think that you can ever fully control your impulses. Instead, you might rather be content with every little win along the way.

Time to think

The first step to taking control of your impulses is to distance yourself from any situation. By withdrawing, even just for a moment, you curb your impulsivity.

Although they can be very intense, impulses usually don’t last that long. This is something you can use to your advantage if you are aware of it. The longer you can resist an impulse, the more likely you are to solve the problem correctly.

Give the impulse a name

It is important to name your impulse and recognize exactly what it is. Tell yourself, “This is just another impulse, I don’t have to act on it.” The key is to separate the impulse from who you are. See your impulse as an enemy attacking you rather than something that belongs to you.

Control your impulses by focusing your five senses on something else

While you wait for the emotional intensity of the moment to subside, it may help to do something else to distract your mind. For example, go and buy something that has nothing to do with your impulse.

That will force you to focus on what you are going to buy, what you are going to say to the cashier, how much money you need etc. These are all little things that will help you focus your mind elsewhere and pass the time .

However, be careful not to simply substitute one impulse for another. Escaping from a conflicted situation by drinking or smoking is not healthy.

Think about your goals and the consequences

What will happen if I act on this impulse? Will I feel better? How long will that sense of relief last? Do I want to be the kind of person who can’t control themselves? Does this impulse align with my beliefs and values?

If you have a clear idea of ​​your goals and values ​​in life, but find yourself doing something you know you shouldn’t, you’re creating cognitive dissonance.

This dissonance is an uncomfortable mental state, a kind of “I want to but I shouldn’t” that you should try to avoid. Try to make sure that everything you do makes sense for who you are and what your goals are.

Fix the problem (if there is one)

If the problem has a solution, it’s not a bad idea to explore the alternatives that you can apply to actually solve the problem.

To do that, you need to use some problem solving techniques. If you created the problem yourself in your head and there is no solution, label it as such and try to ignore it.

Controlling your impulses by enduring discomfort

Controlling your impulses inevitably comes with a certain amount of tension that can be uncomfortable at first. That discomfort is often the reason why people keep taking control of their impulses.

The key is to master your impulses, even if it hurts and causes fear. Anxiety, or emotional discomfort, are simply emotions caused by chemical reactions in the brain. They don’t kill you, though, and they don’t cause disasters. If you learn to tolerate these emotions, you will see that they will soon become less intense.

When you are controlled by your impulses, it is easy to be tempted by them again and again. Being aware of how it all works is a big step toward controlling your own emotions. Once you know what’s happening to you and what you can do about it, all you’re left with is the difficult step of maintaining this control.

With a lot of patience and a willingness to accept your discomfort, you will regain control of your life and you will no longer be controlled by your impulses.