How Do You Talk To Children About Divorce?

How do you talk to children about divorce? The British critic and writer Graham Greene once said: ” There is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in .”

So that door really exists. However, sometimes it can open way too quickly. For example, as parents, we may not know how to talk to the children about an impending divorce. That’s because they’re too young and innocent for this.

A divorce is a delicate situation that also affects the children. One of the main concerns parents have when they divorce is telling their children about the divorce. When do you do it and what words should you use?

And perhaps more importantly, how do you answer their questions? The psychologist Monica Cruz is an authority in this area. She gives some great pointers on the proper way to talk to children about divorce.

Talking to kids about divorce

Come to an agreement about a divorce in advance

It is a good idea that the parents who are getting a divorce come to an agreement beforehand about what they will tell the children. In addition, if possible, they should tell the children about the divorce together. It is also important that the parents practice this beforehand.

It is also important that the parents remain calm, even when the situation becomes difficult. If either of you starts to lose patience, it’s best to postpone the conversation to another time.

Tell the kids the truth

You should also avoid lying. Children are usually self-centered (especially if they are under 6 or 7 years old). That means they often blame themselves for what happens to them.

So it is very important that you explain to them in clear and concrete terms what is happening. That will reduce the chance that the kids will make up a story in their minds to explain the information they don’t have.

Trust Above All When Talking to Your Kids About Divorce

Divorce is never easy. However, it is important that the children feel that they can trust the words of their parents. This is the best way for them to understand that the decision is final.

Cruz suggests that you tell your children when the two of you started a relationship. Tell them that you loved each other very much and that this is why you decided to start a family.

Yet, over time, you didn’t get along as well as you did in the beginning. Eventually you came to realize that you couldn’t be happy together.

Don’t humiliate your ex-partner

It is very important that you do not humiliate your ex-partner. In a conversation about a divorce, you can tell your children that you have been arguing a lot lately. However, that doesn’t mean you should insult or blame your partner.

When you humiliate your partner, all you’re really doing is complicating the situation. After all, that information doesn’t help anyone. What’s even worse is that the child can misunderstand this and it can cause tension. So don’t say things like “He wants me to go” or “She’s leaving me.”

Explain that both of you have done everything possible

It’s not a bad idea to tell your kids you’ve tried everything. By this we mean that both parties have tried to keep the family together. In the end, however, this turned out not to work.

This is one way you can help the kids accept that your divorce wasn’t an impulsive decision. If they think it was, then maybe they think there is a way to turn it around.

is why it is so important that you tell them the truth about a divorce. Then they will understand that you have come to a decision that is the best solution for everyone.

A few more points of attention

It is important that your children understand the following:

• They bear no blame for what happened. Things just didn’t go the way you expected.
• They are allowed to cry and express their emotions. They don’t have to pretend that nothing happened.
• It is also important that you ask your children’s opinion. You can even ask them if they expected it. The children have also noticed that things have not been going well for a while.

You should also explain what will happen in the near future. This basically means telling them if you’ll be staying as a family and how much time they’ll be spending with mom or dad. This will reduce their uncertainty.

Finally, it is also important that you ask your children and check whether they have understood everything. If they have questions, it is important for them to be able to ask them.

As you might have expected, it is not easy to talk to children about an impending divorce. They may deny this, become angry or say nothing at all. No matter what happens, it’s important for them to understand that their parents will always be there for them.