Developing Your Own Identity

It is becoming increasingly difficult to develop the essence of your own identity. We live in a world in which we are constantly inundated with information, with all kinds of stimulation and conflicting messages.

To avoid becoming oversaturated with information, we naturally employ a psychological defense mechanism called introjection. Introjection consists of the automatic way we take in everything from our environment, such as ways of speaking and behavior. We end up accepting these things unconsciously, without first passing them through our personal rating filters.

Introjection: configuring your own identity

Introjection is something we will all eventually be exposed to and experience to varying degrees. In a sense it is even necessary. Introjection only becomes a problem when it overwhelms us.

In our daily lives, we are constantly exposed to all kinds of norms, laws, behaviors, ideas and beliefs that we have to comply with in order to be accepted by society and to be a part of it. From childhood, we are inundated with different variations of these elements.

Right from the start we receive all kinds of different messages from our immediate environment. As we get older, these messages begin to echo in our minds, and when we don’t accept or comply with these messages, we often feel guilty.

We have internalized messages that have been converted into commands without disassembling them beforehand, without processing them, and without considering them in relation to our own personal standards or judgments.

Messages like, “You have to have an important job to be someone in life,” “Assume the worst so you won’t be disappointed,”  or “Real men don’t cry.”

These kinds of ideas, which seem to be part of us, tell us what is right and wrong in relation to the way we behave and play a big part in the way our identity is formed.

How can introjection help us?

Introjection is also a way to please those around us. It supports our ability to adapt, helping us to be accepted.

However, when our lives are guided by the mechanism of introjection, it can become dangerous to our identity. As a result, we lose our essence and our own original way of thinking.

When we lose ourselves in the urge to please others, in taking on the role of the good guy and in doing what others would like us to do, we lose the ability to distinguish between our own real world (the world we want) and the world that others have forced on us.

When our actions are guided by the mechanism of introjection, we live by the expectations others have of us and the things they hope we will do. The messages we receive are part of their needs and do not take our needs into account.

This also happens when we form our own thoughts about others. We do not doubt the signals we receive and absorb them without properly processing them at all. However, we should do this; these are the signals that give direction to our lives and shape our destiny.

In this way, our own way of being and the essence of our identity cannot develop freely. We lose ourselves in the mechanism of introjection, which causes our behavior to be driven by the motive to please others and the urge to live up to the expectations others have of us.

However, introjection also has a creative side. It can stimulate the impulse to derive only the useful information from everything we have learned, help us internalize this information, and extract from it the positive values ​​we want to become part of our identity.

How can introjection become a useful facility?

Introjection has an adaptive function that can help us to become aware of what is going on around us, to be able to absorb different ideas and beliefs, and to learn from traditions and conventional wisdom.

We need to make sure that this mechanism does not take over our lives, allowing us to let our destiny and identity be determined by what other people think and want. To be sure of this, it is essential to be aware of it.

An important step in becoming aware of this is to find out in what circumstances, at what times and in relation to what kind of people we act automatically,  when and with whom we act in a way that not consider their own values ​​and identity.

By becoming aware of the messages that we do not question or analyze, we will become more alert and able to convert these messages into useful utilities. We will be able to reflect on these messages and extract the lessons from which we think we can benefit the most.

By questioning and analyzing all things that come from outside sources, we give ourselves the opportunity to make more thoughtful, coherent and consistent choices that are consistent with our own way of thinking and feeling and our own outlook on life. .

If we take responsibility for the way we interpret our reality and all the messages we receive, we will become aware of what kind of identity we actually want to create.

We will be the true designers of our own lives, basing our destiny on our own decisions and the lessons we choose. A life and identity that are in line with the reality we live in.

In order to do this, it is essential to absorb and filter everything we learn. This will make it easier to develop and express our own way of being.